Emelie

1.5M ratings
277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
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diaryofakanemem

Don’t do drugs, ladies and gents. 😂😭😂😭😂😭

turtle94c

“Whats your safe word?”

diaryofakanemem

That part had me weak 😂😭😂😭😂😭 

paninimami

“You think I’m in pilates?”😭

trashg0d

“watch ya fingers bootyhole man!!” Lmfaooaoaoaoooo

quietly-islayem

Lol i need to be his friend

southernbitchface

“Every strong man got a sensitive side”

5unflwr

Lmaooooooooooooooooo

pussyprlnt

“Ooo that’s cute”

mysoulrunsdeep

Bruh I love this dude! Why is he getting arrested and is there a link for us to send money to bail him out?

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grffindors

do you ever get so annoyed at everything that you start to get pissed off at even little things like a spoon clinking against a bowl or sounds of people talking  

princessfailureee

I think it’s called sensory overload. It’s really common in people with anxiety

reynabcth

it can also be a result of sleep deprivation, stress, or ever dehydration !!

mightbeinsaneforever

thanks i thought i was just a bitch

spongebobssquarepants
autumngracy

Who wants to guess how many bags of peaches are in my dad’s freezer?

autumngracy

The answer is:

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Too fucking many

This is gonna make … a lot of jam …….

autumngracy

So, I managed to fit all but one big bowl of peaches into the two stock pots …

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autumngracy

An hour and a half later, here they are simmering away …

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How long is it gonna take to reduce them to jam, you ask?? Fuck if I know at this size lmao

autumngracy

In case you were wondering, it is, in fact, longer than 5 hours, as I am still stirring this jam over the oven :) :) :)

Oh and also there was another large bowl of peaches in the other fridge that I did not see until later, so I did not in fact fit ALL the peaches into the stock pots

On a brighter note, the whole house smells like a Victorian Christmas dinner

autumngracy

Hello again friends, it is currently REAL JAMMING TIME and I have been in stirring hell for seven hours

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Went through two whole containers of pectin and a bunch of cornstarch already and things are looking just PEACHY

autumngracy

So, uh, the first stock pot alone yielded 272 ounces, so I … may have accidentally made about 68 8oz jars of jam …… and I only had 36 jars …

Guess I’m going back to the store tomorrow … and going to have to join the local farmers market to sell them …

Anyway, TEN CONTINUOUS HOURS OF WORK LATER, here I am at around 3am sealing my first batch of jars … (entire other stock pot of jam lurks ominously in the background)

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God, it’s like when you overestimate how much pasta you’re gonna end up with, only 300% worse

autumngracy

So I woke up today after sleeping like a log to fibd my dad had already gone back to the store (which is like 30 min away) and gotten me more jars because he saw that I needed them

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As you can see one of those pachages is the wrong size jar (4oz) so we’ll see if I can fit all the jam into these suckers (plus the two 8oz ones I had leftover)

My dad also put all the jars of jam in the fridge, although since they were all properly sealed (aw yeah) was totally unnecessary lol

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He said he accidentally dropped one on the way to the fridge but I checked and it amazingly A) didn’t break, and B) remained properly sealed, so hats off to Ball corp, and also me I guess

autumngracy

Update: WE BE JAMMIN’

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Spices I used for this recipe:

-Cinnamon

-Nutmeg

-Ginger

-Allspice

-Vanilla Extract

The combination worked out very well!

Gotta can the rest of it after I eat tho :P

autumngracy

So, I FINALLY managed to can all the jam, except for like … 6 oz of it, so I made shortbread cookies to use that with ;)

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Altogether I did end up with 72 jars of jam, 12 of which are the 4oz size though. What the fuck am I gonna do with all this jam, jesus christ

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Anyway, thanks for coming to my jam-filled TED talk guys, take care

shadowraiku

send me some jam op

galactichippie91

This is my bfs grandparents with pecans. They have two full deep freezers filled with pecans

xonmybullshitx

These math problem weirdos need to be stopped